Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Misadventures of Shattered Dreams

As I sit here enjoying my tradition of reflecting on the past year, missed opportunities, failed goals, misplaced dreams, I am filled with a familiar sense of  melancholy. That's right, Folks, Katie has blown another year. Still, my sense of complacency rises to my defense and reminds me of the many things that I have learned this year. So, in no particular order of importance, I give you the top 13 things that I have learned in 2013.

13. I'll start with the most serious, lengthy, and self promoting: I have a way with words. I'm not sure if it is a good way or a bad way as people just say, "You have such a way with words." This way with words has led me to another important discovery; I am a story teller NOT a writer. A few months ago, I tried to use my words to accomplish something. I networked, I pushed myself, and I dedicated myself to turning my blog into something that it isn't. While pushing for literary success, I realized that I was missing out on the daily misadventures that I most enjoy writing about.

12. Nothing inspires need in my family quite as effectively as sitting down to write a blog post or read a book.

11. I use a lot of words, like complacency, feeling that I have an understanding of their meaning. That feeling of understanding leaves me as soon as one of my children asks me what the word means.

10. Goes along with 11. TheFreeDictionary by Farlex is the BEST APP EVER! (Incidentally, complacency meant exactly what I wanted it to.)

9. Cake bites are not, in fact, delicious and more portable forms of cake. They should be eaten sitting down in a controlled environment. Especially if they happen to be Red Velvet cake bites and you happen to have light beige carpet.

8. Do not go to Bath and Body Works with a stuffy nose. You may be totally unaware of how awful your body wash smells until after you've been showering with it for days.

7. My bike can NOT turn both left and right at the same time. For this reason, it is important to decide which direction I want to go before I get to the turn and try to go both directions.

6. If you play fetch with a dinosaur, don't call it stupid! If you do, then you deserve what you get.

5. My children have complete faith in just one thing: A mother in possession of a clean kitchen floor must desperately want her children to bake something that involves Sweetened Condensed Milk and Powdered Sugar.

4. NEVER, EVER, EVER let the children transport colored Easter Eggs from one location to another. There are very few things more terrifying than climbing into the car in late August and having your four year old ask, "Where are the rest of the Easter Eggs?"

3. Although procrastination helped solve the problem of not wanting to dry my hair, it has never helped me with the problem of not wanting to wash the dishes or fold the laundry.

2. Like pulling a band aid or seeing the first scratch on a new car, it is best to break resolutions quickly. I try to break mine by 12:17 a.m. on New Year’s Day. This has spared me many months of stress and heartache. 

1. Although I usually enjoy the beat of my own drum, sometimes it is okay to be a cliché. What could be more cliché than using New Year's Eve to discover that self loathing and a strange sense of optimism are not mutually exclusive? Here's to a great New Year!