Misadventures of Hearing Voices

I suppose my folly this time is an overactive imagination. With four children, I have at least two people speaking to me at any given time. I frequently find myself trying to sort through two (or three or four) long (and yes, usually pointless) stories punctuated by frequent shouts of, "Hey, I was talking first".

During such an occasion yesterday, I found myself thinking of how wonderful it would be to have an answering service. I think it would go something like this:

"You have reached Mom's Answering Service.

To express LOVE, please press 1

To express APPRECIATION, please press 2

To offer SERVICE, please press 3

To leave a COMPLIMENT, please press 4

If you need a hurt KISSED better, please press 5

If you want a story read to you, please press 6

If you want to be TUCKED In, please press 7

If you are bringing an eye patch to be put on, please press 8

If you want to show Mom a picture you made, please press 9

If you want to TATTLE on someone, please hang up and call Grandma

If you want something done, please hang up and call Daddy

If you want to whine, please hang up and call Dr Phil

If there is a mess to clean up, please hang up and clean it yourself.

If you want your diaper changed or your bottom wiped, you have definitely reached this recording in error.

If you want to tell an insanely long story, please hold .................and hold............and hold.............and hold............and hold........and hold.......and hold.........and hold.............