My folly this time is that after four children and seven and a half years of parenting, I am still completely clueless as a parent. It's actually worse than that, after four children and seven and a half years of parenting, I'm more clueless than I was when I started.
Sometimes, my children decide to do special things for me (most of these special things end up in my other blog "Kate's Treasures"). Last Sunday, Nicole woke me up about half an hour before I needed to get up and get ready for church. It started with a whisper, "Mom, I have a surprise for you." Then a slightly louder, "Mom, you need to come out to the kitchen. There is a surprise for you." Followed by, "Come on, Mom. Come see your surprises in the kitchen and family room." I rolled out of bed and stumbled down the hall, wishing that, for once, my surprise could be being allowed to stay in bed as long as I want. When I got down to the family room, I found that Austin and Erika were still in their "sleep out" beds, but Nicole had picked her bed up and put it away without being asked. In the kitchen, I found that the table had been set, complete with knives, forks, and spoons. With a big smile, Nicole asked how I liked my surprise. I looked lovingly into my child's face, and lied. I told her that it was the best surprise ever, that I had never had such a marvelous start to a Sunday Morning. I really was glad that she had put her bed away, but I prefer to have the family eat cold cereal on Sunday as it makes the morning go a little smoother. Plates, cups, knives, forks, and spoons were a little unnecessary for my plans. However, being up a half hour early had given me more time to make breakfast.
As I started making breakfast, being careful to make something that would require the use of all of the dishes set out on the table, Nicole asked if she had been good enough to earn the stuffed frog. The Stuffed Frog? Sudden clarity rushed in. On occasion, when the children have gone above and beyond the call of duty, I have allowed them to pick a surprise out of the Surprise Bucket. This usually requires an act of extraordinary kindness or doing extra work without being asked. Austin was the last person to be able to pick a surprise and he had to pick between the stuffed frog and the stuffed snake (my kids like reptile type things), since he picked the snake, the frog must still be there. How do I get out of this mess? I do love rewarding good behavior, but I don't want to teach the children that every good deed comes with a monetary reward. I felt that I had to tell Nicole that, although I loved my surprise and was so thankful for her thoughtfulness, I couldn't let her pick out of the Surprise Bucket. I explained, what I have explained before, that the one rule of the Surprise Bucket is that Mom chooses the moment when it will be opening and that moment is not at a time when we are expecting it.
Many tears were shed at this example of Mom's lack of appreciation. As I held my sobbing little girl, I was reminded once again that motherhood is like walking a tight rope. Where is the balance between good deeds getting you nowhere and good deeds being only for profit? I tried to help Nicole understand that doing all of that work for me and then asking for a reward kind of lessened the love behind her actions. She assured me that she had done the work because she loved me. And, in spite of my lack of feeling, she seems to love me still. Hopefully, that love will get me through the other pitfalls of motherhood and we will all survive.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Misadventures of the Best Laid Plans
My folly this time is that my imaginary self is much more energetic and organized than my real self
If you had seen me during the few weeks before the start of summer break, you would have seen one of those thought bubbles (you know, the ones from cartoons) following me around. My head was full of all of the things that the children and I were going to do this summer. I was going to sit down one on one with each of the children, every day. We would be doing our usual math lessons, but we would also be learning other things. Every week would have a new topic to learn about. I even had lovely lesson plans thought out in my head.
Not only would we have scholastic improvement, we were also going to do things. None of this sitting around doing nothing like last summer (and the summer before and the summer before and the summer before. You get the point). We would have weekly field trips. We would go to the zoo, museums, parks, nature centers, etc ... We were going to see and explore and enjoy everything.
Our house was going to get organized. We were going to establish fantastic routines that would liberate us from the daily grind of chores. We would be running so smoothly that it would feel as if the house was cleaning itself and it would take very little effort on our part as long as we stuck to our routines.
Reality Check Time! June started and we had school the first week. There was a wedding the second week and we had things going on. The third week we really needed to rest, after all it was summer and time to enjoy sleeping in, but only for a little while. I had plenty of time to put my plans into action. I'm pretty sure that you can see where this is all going. We're now 2/3 of the way through our summer break. We've taken one field trip up Mount Timpanogos, Had one awesome camping trip with Grandma and Grandpa, and Mom has managed to sleep in until 9:00 at least twice.
I would love to write more, but I'm off to the daily grind of chores.
If you had seen me during the few weeks before the start of summer break, you would have seen one of those thought bubbles (you know, the ones from cartoons) following me around. My head was full of all of the things that the children and I were going to do this summer. I was going to sit down one on one with each of the children, every day. We would be doing our usual math lessons, but we would also be learning other things. Every week would have a new topic to learn about. I even had lovely lesson plans thought out in my head.
Not only would we have scholastic improvement, we were also going to do things. None of this sitting around doing nothing like last summer (and the summer before and the summer before and the summer before. You get the point). We would have weekly field trips. We would go to the zoo, museums, parks, nature centers, etc ... We were going to see and explore and enjoy everything.
Our house was going to get organized. We were going to establish fantastic routines that would liberate us from the daily grind of chores. We would be running so smoothly that it would feel as if the house was cleaning itself and it would take very little effort on our part as long as we stuck to our routines.
Reality Check Time! June started and we had school the first week. There was a wedding the second week and we had things going on. The third week we really needed to rest, after all it was summer and time to enjoy sleeping in, but only for a little while. I had plenty of time to put my plans into action. I'm pretty sure that you can see where this is all going. We're now 2/3 of the way through our summer break. We've taken one field trip up Mount Timpanogos, Had one awesome camping trip with Grandma and Grandpa, and Mom has managed to sleep in until 9:00 at least twice.
I would love to write more, but I'm off to the daily grind of chores.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Misadventures of a Well Taught Child
Sometimes, folly is unavoidable. Anyone with children knows that any activity can be turned to folly if children are added to the equation; the more children you add, the bigger the folly. Since the children were inescapable, I'm going to say that my folly lay in my drinking problem (no, not that drinking problem. My dishwasher is running fine). I am, of course, referring to my very strong addiction to drinking water. Normally, I'm able to keep this addiction in check, but when it gets out of hand it can lead to dangerously low blood pressure and an extremely overactive bladder.
I recently found myself out running errands with all four of my children. This unfortunate occurrence was brought about by Rick being out of town and my tendency to procrastinate. I was on my third store and just finishing my second liter of water since leaving home when I needed to use the bathroom. I put Alex and Erika in the Costco shopping cart, told Austin and Nicole to hang on, and raced to the bathroom. By the time I got to the bathroom, I really felt ready to burst. I asked Austin to come stand next to the cart and keep Alex from plunging to his doom on the concrete floor. "But I have to go potty, Mom," was his response as he closed the stall door. "I have to go potty, too!" chorused Nicole and Erika as they, too, disappeared into stalls. By now, I was doing a potty dance that would impress the most artistic of potty trainees. It was with extreme difficulty that I was able to keep my cool when Erika emerged a moment later to tell me that she was unable to go potty without my help. I couldn't go help Erika until I had someone to watch Alex and keep him from falling (I'm afraid that the seat belts in most shopping carts are a bit of a joke). When Austin finally came out, I asked him again to come stand guard over Alex, my situation becoming more desperate with each passing second. "Mom, I have to wash my hands!" (I interrupt my regularly scheduled rant to confess that despite my constant reminders to wash their hands for at least 20 seconds, the children usually don't spend 20 seconds on the entire bathroom routine.) Austin began to wash his hands while Erika chanted, "Mommy, I need help going potty." and I was dancing on tip toe with my knees tight together to keep from having an accident myself right there in the Costco bathroom. Austin washed, and washed, and washed, and washed. Then Austin, still rubbing soap on his hands, looked up at me with a big smile and said, "I'm washing my hands for more than 20 seconds just for you, Mom!" My return smile was, I confess, more of a grimace than a smile, but I tried.
Eventually, Austin finished washing his hands. I helped Erika go potty, and was finally able to go myself. We all made it home with clean, dry pants and all's well that ends well. The moral of the story is to not drink and drive, especially if you're driving with children.
I recently found myself out running errands with all four of my children. This unfortunate occurrence was brought about by Rick being out of town and my tendency to procrastinate. I was on my third store and just finishing my second liter of water since leaving home when I needed to use the bathroom. I put Alex and Erika in the Costco shopping cart, told Austin and Nicole to hang on, and raced to the bathroom. By the time I got to the bathroom, I really felt ready to burst. I asked Austin to come stand next to the cart and keep Alex from plunging to his doom on the concrete floor. "But I have to go potty, Mom," was his response as he closed the stall door. "I have to go potty, too!" chorused Nicole and Erika as they, too, disappeared into stalls. By now, I was doing a potty dance that would impress the most artistic of potty trainees. It was with extreme difficulty that I was able to keep my cool when Erika emerged a moment later to tell me that she was unable to go potty without my help. I couldn't go help Erika until I had someone to watch Alex and keep him from falling (I'm afraid that the seat belts in most shopping carts are a bit of a joke). When Austin finally came out, I asked him again to come stand guard over Alex, my situation becoming more desperate with each passing second. "Mom, I have to wash my hands!" (I interrupt my regularly scheduled rant to confess that despite my constant reminders to wash their hands for at least 20 seconds, the children usually don't spend 20 seconds on the entire bathroom routine.) Austin began to wash his hands while Erika chanted, "Mommy, I need help going potty." and I was dancing on tip toe with my knees tight together to keep from having an accident myself right there in the Costco bathroom. Austin washed, and washed, and washed, and washed. Then Austin, still rubbing soap on his hands, looked up at me with a big smile and said, "I'm washing my hands for more than 20 seconds just for you, Mom!" My return smile was, I confess, more of a grimace than a smile, but I tried.
Eventually, Austin finished washing his hands. I helped Erika go potty, and was finally able to go myself. We all made it home with clean, dry pants and all's well that ends well. The moral of the story is to not drink and drive, especially if you're driving with children.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
The Misadventures of Kharma
On our outing yesterday, the kids bought a package of Ring Pops. Nicole thought that this giant, shiny pink ring was the finest thing in all the world. She put hers on her finger and refused to eat it. She felt so glamorous with such a beautiful ring on her finger.
Then, this morning, tragedy struck our little house. While going to use the bathroom, Nicole had left her ring on the kitchen table. When she came back out, the ring was no where to be found. Erika was also no where to be found. After a little searching, Erika and the base of the Ring Pop were discovered behind the couch. Alas, the lovely pink jewel was gone from the base having been devoured by a greedy 3 year old. Many bitter tears were shed at this terrible turn of events.
Unfortunately for Nicole, Mom saw a definite parallel between Nicole's prized ring being eaten and the despoiling of some prized Barbies. Erika got sent to her room and Nicole, in spite of my current parenting philosophy that doesn't allow explaining or lecturing, got a lecture and an explanation. I couldn't help but try to make her see that, in the same way that she didn't understand me trying to save Barbies instead of playing with them, Erika couldn't understand not eating candy that was available.
Then, this morning, tragedy struck our little house. While going to use the bathroom, Nicole had left her ring on the kitchen table. When she came back out, the ring was no where to be found. Erika was also no where to be found. After a little searching, Erika and the base of the Ring Pop were discovered behind the couch. Alas, the lovely pink jewel was gone from the base having been devoured by a greedy 3 year old. Many bitter tears were shed at this terrible turn of events.
Unfortunately for Nicole, Mom saw a definite parallel between Nicole's prized ring being eaten and the despoiling of some prized Barbies. Erika got sent to her room and Nicole, in spite of my current parenting philosophy that doesn't allow explaining or lecturing, got a lecture and an explanation. I couldn't help but try to make her see that, in the same way that she didn't understand me trying to save Barbies instead of playing with them, Erika couldn't understand not eating candy that was available.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Misadventures of Misrepresentation
This morning I printed off my previous posts so that I could put them in my journal. Reading through the posts I discovered that a lot of them are about the mischief of a certain little girl. I now feel compelled to make a couple of statements. Statement One: Every single word I've written about said little girl is absolutely true. Statement Two: That same little girl brings me so much joy that, at times, it takes my breath away.
I'd like to take a few minutes and write about the wonder that is Nicole.
As I've mentioned before, Nicole has a bit of a naughty streak in her. To be fair, I'm going to change that from a naughty streak to an independent streak. I don't think that she is really trying to be naughty as much as she is trying to exert her independence and her own way of thinking. For example: Barbies are meant to play with, it makes no sense to keep them locked away in boxes in the basement (my ability to see her perspective is what has kept her hands still attached). Does Nicole get into more trouble than the others? Honestly, I will have to say Yes, she does. Nicole thinks of things that simply wouldn't occur to Austin to try and Erika's exploits are still on a smaller scale.
Although Nicole does make me shake my head and wonder where I went wrong, she also makes me stop and think that I must be doing something right. Nicole is the most affectionate of all my children. She will frequently come and give me a hug and a kiss and tell me that she loves me. She is very generous with her compliments, to me and to all of those around her. She says the most beautiful prayers. While the other kids tend to say the same thing over and over (I do it. Admit it, you do it, too) Nicole prays so sincerely for all of her family and friends. Nicole enjoys writing loving songs about the Savior and about her Family.
Nicole is a happy little package of contradictions, one second making me pull my hair out in frustration, the next melting my heart by showing me how big her heart is.
I love you, Nicole!
I'd like to take a few minutes and write about the wonder that is Nicole.
As I've mentioned before, Nicole has a bit of a naughty streak in her. To be fair, I'm going to change that from a naughty streak to an independent streak. I don't think that she is really trying to be naughty as much as she is trying to exert her independence and her own way of thinking. For example: Barbies are meant to play with, it makes no sense to keep them locked away in boxes in the basement (my ability to see her perspective is what has kept her hands still attached). Does Nicole get into more trouble than the others? Honestly, I will have to say Yes, she does. Nicole thinks of things that simply wouldn't occur to Austin to try and Erika's exploits are still on a smaller scale.
Although Nicole does make me shake my head and wonder where I went wrong, she also makes me stop and think that I must be doing something right. Nicole is the most affectionate of all my children. She will frequently come and give me a hug and a kiss and tell me that she loves me. She is very generous with her compliments, to me and to all of those around her. She says the most beautiful prayers. While the other kids tend to say the same thing over and over (I do it. Admit it, you do it, too) Nicole prays so sincerely for all of her family and friends. Nicole enjoys writing loving songs about the Savior and about her Family.
Nicole is a happy little package of contradictions, one second making me pull my hair out in frustration, the next melting my heart by showing me how big her heart is.
I love you, Nicole!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
The Misadventures of an Unclear Post
There has been a little concern expressed to me about my previous entry "The Misadventures of a Good Deed". People feel that Erika was treated unfairly in the situation of losing band-aids, bubble bath, and pizza due to the reprehensible behavior of her older sister. Please allow me to set the record straight. Although, she started the journey walking next to the cart, her frequent trips down a different aisle or refusing to leave her current aisle forced me to put her in the shopping cart. Erika had already lost her privileges due to the oft repeated offense of not staying with me. Please excuse my lack of clarification in my previous entry and realize that I'm an equal opportunity punisher.
The Misadventures of TUESDAY Laundry
TUESDAY laundry. What a terrible combination!
This time the folly falls squarely on Nicole's shoulders. Her folly was, once again, saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.
Our laundry ritual consists of me washing the laundry, me drying the laundry, me folding the laundry. The children's laundry is then separated into their own baskets and they are expected to take it down and put it in their drawers. Today as I was sitting down to fold the laundry, I asked Erika and Nicole to go and get their laundry baskets for me. Nicole told me that she didn't want to have to get her laundry basket, she just wanted me to fold the laundry. Instead of going through my usual "Poor Mom" tirade, I decided just to give her what she wanted.
I started to fold the laundry. Every time I came across some of Nicole's laundry, I calmly folded it and then told her that she needed to take it down to her room and put it away. I always seemed to find a piece of her laundry right after she had gotten back from the last trip down the hall and restarted her previous activity. It was funny to watch her growing frustration(I know I'm a terrible parent)as she was called away from her play again and again. It turns out that a weeks worth of laundry takes a while to put away if you do it one piece at a time. To her credit she lasted about thirty minutes before she started yelling about the amount of laundry she had to put away. I, of course, had to remind her that it was her idea not to use the laundry baskets. She did bring me the laundry basket in time for the last pair of jammies and three pairs of sock.
I'm not sure if Nicole took a lesson from this experience. The lesson that I'm taking is that sometimes giving in to a temper tantrum can be kind of fun.
P.S. To anyone wondering what Erika was doing during this time: Erika didn't get her laundry basket either. So she was also puting her laundry away one piece at a time. Her laundry lacked the drama because she didn't add any. She ignored my request for the laundry basket and she put her laundry away without comment. I do need to confess to not adding the vindictive timing that I used with Nicole. I wanted to show Nicole that sometimes it's better to just do what you're asked and not argue.
This time the folly falls squarely on Nicole's shoulders. Her folly was, once again, saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.
Our laundry ritual consists of me washing the laundry, me drying the laundry, me folding the laundry. The children's laundry is then separated into their own baskets and they are expected to take it down and put it in their drawers. Today as I was sitting down to fold the laundry, I asked Erika and Nicole to go and get their laundry baskets for me. Nicole told me that she didn't want to have to get her laundry basket, she just wanted me to fold the laundry. Instead of going through my usual "Poor Mom" tirade, I decided just to give her what she wanted.
I started to fold the laundry. Every time I came across some of Nicole's laundry, I calmly folded it and then told her that she needed to take it down to her room and put it away. I always seemed to find a piece of her laundry right after she had gotten back from the last trip down the hall and restarted her previous activity. It was funny to watch her growing frustration(I know I'm a terrible parent)as she was called away from her play again and again. It turns out that a weeks worth of laundry takes a while to put away if you do it one piece at a time. To her credit she lasted about thirty minutes before she started yelling about the amount of laundry she had to put away. I, of course, had to remind her that it was her idea not to use the laundry baskets. She did bring me the laundry basket in time for the last pair of jammies and three pairs of sock.
I'm not sure if Nicole took a lesson from this experience. The lesson that I'm taking is that sometimes giving in to a temper tantrum can be kind of fun.
P.S. To anyone wondering what Erika was doing during this time: Erika didn't get her laundry basket either. So she was also puting her laundry away one piece at a time. Her laundry lacked the drama because she didn't add any. She ignored my request for the laundry basket and she put her laundry away without comment. I do need to confess to not adding the vindictive timing that I used with Nicole. I wanted to show Nicole that sometimes it's better to just do what you're asked and not argue.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)